I Want YOU to Want ME
I could be Jessica Alba and he would still only want to have sex with me about once a week.
nalugurl is pissed. She can't deal with her boyfriend's low libido, and even though I don't know her, I'm totally going to take sides. I think her boyfriend is being selfish. Here's why...
It's no secret that most couples have mistmatched libidos. Very few duos have the exact same sex drive, and even if they do, no one's saying the rest of their relationship is perfect. But what if the lack of sex is the only thing stopping you from being happy?
Here's what you do:
YOU HAVE SEX.
It sounds ridiculous, doesn't it? Something so simple, and yet millions of people can't do it. With someone they love, no less. Just think about how many sacrifices people make for love every day—people change jobs. Move across the country. Move to different countries. Change their religion. All to compromise for their partner. So isn't it funny to think that all these low libido people have to do to please their partner is have sex with them...and yet they won't do it?
To me, it's cut and dry. You have to set the frequency of sex in a relationship by the person who wants it more. It's the lesser of two evils for the lower libido partner to (god forbid!) have sex with the person they love than it is for the higher libido partner to be left unsatisfied and feeling hurt and unwanted.
Am I wrong?
I'm totally with you, nalugurl! I'm not sure whether my situation is caused by mismatched libidos though. Maybe you could give me your thoughts?
My boyfriend explains how much he'd like to have sex with a variety of women and is bored (and scared!) with the idea of having sex with one woman for life. We have been together more than two years and recently moved in together.
His comments confuse me and make me feel unwanted since he never initiates sex and it makes me feel like that's because he only wants to be with other women.
Anyone have any thoughts? I'd appreciate hearing an objective view.
Thanks so much, ladies!
CJ,
Although he's being honest with you (good quality), I can't imagine verbalizing it to my partner in this phase of the relationship due to the impact it would have on my partner. I'm sure it doesn't help your esteem. Red flag warning anyone!
For Nalugurl, most doctors and relationship counselors would advise you to get your partner tested for physical reasons for his low libido. If everything came back negative at least you'd have a baseline to figure out why it's only happening every 5 days in the best scenerio.
I've been in a similar relationship with sex once a week. In the begining I let her know that I like sex every other day. Not that if we miss a couple every other days within the month that it's a deal breaker. But I was very up front. Along the way a couple of years later, we discovered she has a thyroid imbalance. Not only did it compound her existing depression but amplified it.
I went years at once a week if lucky.
My point is, get him to the doctor if he will and don't marry him unless it becomes a less important need.
Good Luck
CJ,
Not to scare you or anything - but you need to make sure you stay smart and listen "between the lines"...He might be cheating. I hate to sounds super negative but my husband always talked about how much he "loved" hanging out with a married couple who were our close friends. Turns out he "loved" hanging with them so much because he was sleeping with the wife. My closest friend.
Just keep your eyes open ok.
Am I wrong?
In a word...yes.
I'm amused at how you hear of girls having sex with their man just to keep him happy, because he wants it, and for no other reason (I'll admit it, I'm guilty of it a couple times) but I dont think I've ever heard of a guy doing it for his girl if she wants it
Although, on the flip side. if you have sex with someone just because they want it, it's not good for you either, and it kind of becomes a routine and all you can really think is "Yawn. Hurry up, geeze" and then you never really get anything out of it, and is it really good for the other person too if they see you're bored out of your mind?
Dilemma Dilemma *shakes head*
I totally understand this! There has been many a times that I have had to tell a man to put out or get out...I call myself a monogomous whore.
Course that may be why I am in my mid 30s and not married. Hey, sex is a standard I will not lower.
Perfect work!Keep posting
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